The truth about hiding your pain...

The truth about hiding your pain...
For as long as I can remember, I have been very guarded with my feelings. I don't like sharing, even with close friends and family, even with my husband, because it makes me feel vulnerable and unprotected. It opens me up, to judgement, to hurt, to abandonment. Likely, this stems back to when my mom was sick with cancer, before she passed away. I can remember going to visit my mom when she was in the hospital, in a coma, and I couldn't even form the words to tell her I loved her. I didn't want the others in the room, even my dad and sister, knowing how much I was hurting. It never occurred to me that they were feeling the same way. I only felt how visible I was to them, how on display my pain and feelings were. My dad didn't really open up with us about how he was feeling when she was sick, and actually neither did she. They both put on a brave face and tried to go about life as if all was well, and would be well forever. It wasn't until the night before my mom died that my dad had a heart to heart and finally broke down and cried. That was the first moment I realized she might not come home. She passed the next morning before I woke up.
Read more...

Finding hope...

Finding hope...

Finding hope during a pandemic? Is that even possible? When we are separated from friends and family, encouraged to stay home as much as possible, cut out most of our sources of entertainment, it can feel a bit hopeless. It can feel like this is never going to end. And when we see others thriving, learning to bake bread, build furniture, remodel their houses, homeschool like a pro, it can make us feel obligated to do all the things, and do them all at the same time, which very quickly becomes overwhelming and can lead to anxiety, and feelings of “not enough”, and more hopelessness.

But I think finding hope during the pandemic is absolutely possible, if we know where to look and what to spend our time on. And the best part is that this can easily be translated into any situation where you are feeling hopeless and overwhelmed. You just have to know where to look.

Read more...

Hold on...for brighter days to come

Hold on...for brighter days to come

When I was 14, my mom passed away from brain cancer. My dad did the best he could to help my sister and I deal with our mom’s death. He gave us the option of backing out of camp that year (she passed away 2 weeks before camp began, we chose to go anyways). He sent us to see a therapist (we asked him to discontinue therapy, he did). He took care of us, amidst his grief of losing the woman he had loved since he was 12 years old, put food on the table, involved us in school activities, drove us to school every morning, attended our soccer games, school plays, spent time with our mom’s family, etc.

Read more...

The Realities of Motherhood Amidst a Pandemic

The Realities of Motherhood Amidst a Pandemic

Growing up I always wanted to be a mom. I didn’t know what career I wanted, though I can tell you I never had any ideas I would be doing what I am doing now. But I knew without a doubt that I wanted to be a mother. My mom surely made mistakes, but she was loving and caring and fun and gave us clear boundaries. She took her role seriously and cared very deeply about us. She stayed home to take care of the house, she volunteered at the church, and she even ran my girl scout troop. She was everything I wanted to be when I grew up.

Read more...

You Can't Pour From An Empty Cup

You Can't Pour From An Empty Cup

The world is different now. In just a few short weeks, things have changed drastically. One of those changes is that millions of people have all the extra time in the world on their hands. That has led to several posts, memes, and articles talking about how much can be done while we are “all” at home “doing nothing”. One meme talks about Shakespeare writing King Lear while quarantined during the plague. And apparently Sir Isaac Newton invented both calculus & gravity (if you take what the internet says as fact – this is highly debated as to when exactly these concepts were truly “invented”) during quarantine, as well.

But times are different now than during the plague. For one thing, we are being constantly inundated by facts and figures, comparing COVID-19 to everything from the Spanish flu pandemic, to the plague, to, yes, just another hoax. We are constantly being notified of another press conference, wondering what changes, what new revelations about the virus this one will bring, wondering what the newest death tolls will be. This alone is enough to give a “normal” person a panic attack.

Read more...
 
Read Older Updates Read Newer Updates