What No One Wants to Admit

What No One Wants to Admit
I'm just going to call out the elephant right now and tell you that this blog may piss you off. It may offend you, it may trigger you, it may even make you hate me. But it's my truth, and that's really all that matters here right now. And maybe, just maybe, it can help someone else who is feeling the same one, someone who is struggling, someone who feels guilt and shame, someone who feels hated. Because I know I'm not the only one who's ever felt this way, and I know I won't be the last either.

This weekend we did our gender reveal. We had the OB email our friend who was making us our cake. We gathered family on Zoom. We even went live on Facebook. We knew there was a 50/50 chance. And we also knew that the most important thing is that our genetics tests had come back at a very low risk for any genetic disorders. But if I'm being honest, we both were hoping for a girl. And so was most of our family. We already have a son. And there are no granddaughters on either side of the family. And I had the perfect girl name picked out already.

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The truth about hiding your pain...

The truth about hiding your pain...
For as long as I can remember, I have been very guarded with my feelings. I don't like sharing, even with close friends and family, even with my husband, because it makes me feel vulnerable and unprotected. It opens me up, to judgement, to hurt, to abandonment. Likely, this stems back to when my mom was sick with cancer, before she passed away. I can remember going to visit my mom when she was in the hospital, in a coma, and I couldn't even form the words to tell her I loved her. I didn't want the others in the room, even my dad and sister, knowing how much I was hurting. It never occurred to me that they were feeling the same way. I only felt how visible I was to them, how on display my pain and feelings were. My dad didn't really open up with us about how he was feeling when she was sick, and actually neither did she. They both put on a brave face and tried to go about life as if all was well, and would be well forever. It wasn't until the night before my mom died that my dad had a heart to heart and finally broke down and cried. That was the first moment I realized she might not come home. She passed the next morning before I woke up.
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Finding hope...

Finding hope...

Finding hope during a pandemic? Is that even possible? When we are separated from friends and family, encouraged to stay home as much as possible, cut out most of our sources of entertainment, it can feel a bit hopeless. It can feel like this is never going to end. And when we see others thriving, learning to bake bread, build furniture, remodel their houses, homeschool like a pro, it can make us feel obligated to do all the things, and do them all at the same time, which very quickly becomes overwhelming and can lead to anxiety, and feelings of “not enough”, and more hopelessness.

But I think finding hope during the pandemic is absolutely possible, if we know where to look and what to spend our time on. And the best part is that this can easily be translated into any situation where you are feeling hopeless and overwhelmed. You just have to know where to look.

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The Realities of Motherhood Amidst a Pandemic

The Realities of Motherhood Amidst a Pandemic

Growing up I always wanted to be a mom. I didn’t know what career I wanted, though I can tell you I never had any ideas I would be doing what I am doing now. But I knew without a doubt that I wanted to be a mother. My mom surely made mistakes, but she was loving and caring and fun and gave us clear boundaries. She took her role seriously and cared very deeply about us. She stayed home to take care of the house, she volunteered at the church, and she even ran my girl scout troop. She was everything I wanted to be when I grew up.

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Ultimate Mom Binder Review

Ultimate Mom Binder Review

Like most moms I know, when it comes to keeping a clean and tidy house, it’s kind of like a train wreck. I know a few moms that have super tidy spotless homes, but that is the exception, not the majority. I hope, for your sake and your family’s, that you are in that minority group that seems to have all your stuff together. But if that’s not you, I've got you!

A few weeks ago a friend posted a live video launching a free video course to help moms get their house and life under control. I know this girl, and I can say that she is one of my favorite people to follow because she is actively investing in herself and her family’s future through personal development. She recently launched a homeschooling blog, and it’s already doing great. Honestly, she’s someone I aspire to be like.

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